There are millions of you doing it right now as we speak – online, tapping away. Many are men. That doesn’t mean they’re fat, lonely Star Trek devotees with silly haircuts, anoraks and body odour.
Her name’s Amaka and she’s from Nigeria. You’ve been chatting online for two weeks now and are getting along well. You’re grappling with the idea of setting up a meeting, knowing that it’s going to require a number of things, including money and guts.
Think you’re alone? You’re not. There are millions of womenonline looking for relationships with men and millions of men like you replying to them. At any one time, a good percentage of them will be lying to each other to some degree. There’s an unspoken understanding of being online that you take what people say with a pinch of salt.
Online dating safer for women
That doesn’t make online dating a bad thing; men and women have wooed each other by the written word for centuries – computers and modems just speeded things up a bit. And because of it you can communicate with women a world away and she with you. A benefit for women is that it’s safe. We live in a brutal, predatory world where creeps abound. Online, women are reasonably secure from that, although there are people who will try anyway.
That doesn’t make online dating a bad thing; men and women have wooed each other by the written word for centuries – computers and modems just speeded things up a bit. And because of it you can communicate with women a world away and she with you. A benefit for women is that it’s safe. We live in a brutal, predatory world where creeps abound. Online, women are reasonably secure from that, although there are people who will try anyway.
But most men who are online aren’t violent sex friends. Many are looking for love, a soul mate, or simply that old feeling of being wanted. Many are eligible. They’re just supplementing all their other efforts to meet women with someone online. Or maybe they’ve lost faith in their local pub, club, beach, church, library, gym, line-dancing class or Mensa meeting as a place to meet someone special. Or maybe the wife and kids are asleep while they pretend to be 20 years younger and someone less boring.
The great thing about online dating is that you can be an adventurous teenager again without the risk of your pimply friends laughing at you.
So what's the truth?
The pinch of salt mentioned earlier may mean that you’re wasting your time with Amaka or Collins. She or He may turn out to be Oge not Amaka or Mike and not Collins, Amaka may indeed be Amaka but the picture she sends you is of her cousin who now lives in Ghana.
The pinch of salt mentioned earlier may mean that you’re wasting your time with Amaka or Collins. She or He may turn out to be Oge not Amaka or Mike and not Collins, Amaka may indeed be Amaka but the picture she sends you is of her cousin who now lives in Ghana.
Many people dating online are ready to take these risks. Many people have limited expectations anyway, expecting little more than a few hours of dalliance with no risk of picking up a nasty virus.
But there are a few things to remember:
- Falling for someone online is not the same as falling in love with them. People meet online, click, meet and become a couple. But it’s unusual.
- Take care when people express an immediate interest in someone they’ve never met, let alone communicated with online. If she tells you that you have a great sense of humour after two short messages it could mean that you should seek a career in stand-up comedy, or that she’s a lonely but resourceful 77-year-old named Mavis or a precocious 11-year-old named Cindy.
- November 18, 2016
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